urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat Nathan Chates Nathan Chates 2006-11-29T17:23:23Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:36768 2006-11-29T17:23:23Z 2006-11-29T17:23:23Z yes, indeed i am back, now that i have got my password back, more to come later. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:36560 2005-12-09T22:27:36Z 2005-12-09T22:27:36Z have not posted in forever, but this i had to post...<br /><br /><table width="350" align="center" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2"><tr><td bgcolor="#999999" align="center"><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style="color:black; font-size: 14pt;"><b>You are</b></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#CCCCCC"><center><img src="http://images.blogthings.com/rejectedcrayonquiz/mc-donalds.gif" height="28" width="250"></center></td></tr></table><div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/rejectedcrayonquiz/">What Rejected Crayon Are You?</a></div> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:36222 2005-10-31T06:18:57Z 2005-10-31T06:18:57Z yeah i have not been updating my lj causei ahve been too busy and i ahev facebook!<br />bye now urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:36071 2005-08-25T03:08:52Z 2005-08-25T03:08:52Z Staind - Outside so yeah i love bowling, have a lot of fun, still am frustrated about the whole sky thing, the whole not knowing and such, but yeahi am trying to keep myself distracted, seems to be workign ok, not great but whatever. ah well more later when there is something there urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:35797 2005-08-23T03:30:33Z 2005-08-23T03:30:33Z well i have finally lost my ability to pretend i don't miss jack. damn world. the uncertity of things does not help much. and lack of ability to communicate is awful. and a psycho person too. dammit, sometimes i feel like being paranoid just soi can say the world is against me. fuckit, the world IS against me. <br /><br />soemtimes, i feel the fear of uncertainty spinning clear,<br />and if i can't ask my self how much i let the fear take the wheel and stear,<br /><br />form a song<br /> too lazy to olook it up urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:35479 2005-08-10T01:08:24Z 2005-08-10T01:08:24Z omg...so...yeah...<br />short story version...<br />i have a boyfriend...<br /><br />longer story version...<br />after three weeks of not seeing sky, i saw him, and he came and stayed th night,a nd i was not wrong about how i thought he felt and , point of the story, we are now together for ow...<br />YAY!!<br />FUCK YEAH I REALLY LIKE HIM<br />and apparently i am really good a sexual stuff,<br />and if you didn't want to hear that, you probably should not have been reading this lol<br />woot!!!!!!!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:35159 2005-07-24T23:02:01Z 2005-07-24T23:02:01Z so i am trying to give sky some space becaue i am pretsure he is still all blah over the last guy who lied to him and such, but i do like him and want to have something, buit i am not ready to push him to it. until then still looking. i am neutral right now, but i hvae realized i have gotten more confident and such, oh and i got a new writst band, watch and wallet, plus bands, and i need a man purse, or man bag, whichever. now i am off to chase wild geese! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:34887 2005-07-17T21:47:16Z 2005-07-17T21:47:16Z godsmack - voodoo so way back when i first started going to outright, i saw this guy there named sky, jack was his real name, but taht didn't matter. at the time i was like, wow he is cute. but being the internal pessemist i am i was like damn that'll never happen. the other night, friday precisely, i saw him and he asked if i wanted to hang out and i was like sure. again being pessemistic even though thre were signs that there was mopre to this, i was like whatver. then i met up with hima nd such and planned for him to come over sunday, hence today. se he did and let me tell you i like him more and more. adn he is probabkly coming over next weekend to hang the whole weekend. oh yes and one more thing, not ath we are talking about anything in particular, but it always tickles me to hear that i am very good at something. *grin* urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:34593 2005-07-10T23:04:21Z 2005-07-10T23:04:21Z "i'm gunning down romance,<br />it never did a thing for me,<br />but heartache and misery,<br />ain't nothin' but a tragedy"<br /><br />why do we fall... so we can learn to pick ourselves back up... i'm sick of falling...<br /><br />"Love come quickly<br />Because I feel my self-esteem is caving in<br />It's on the brink<br />Love come quickly<br />Because I don't think I can keep this monster in<br />It's in my skin<br /><br />Love and other socially acceptable emotions are morphine<br />They're morphine<br />Cleverly concealing primal urges often felt but rarely seen<br />Rarely seen<br />Love I beg you<br />Lift me up into that privileged point of view<br />The world of two<br />Love don't leave me<br />Because I console myself that HallmarkT cards are true<br />I really do"<br /><br />last but not least, how can u give someone head and the next day they don't remmeber it and won't beleive you!!!!!???? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:34370 2005-06-28T02:04:43Z 2005-06-28T02:04:43Z so i wondered one day if my lj should maybe be mroe upbeat sometimes, but then i realized the reason it is almost always sad or whatnot is i only feel the ned to write in it wheni am sad or whatever<br />thus i am very lonely right now. not desperately so, but yeah. sad for a reasona nd for no reason. sick of "doing allt he work" wehn it comes to trying to help benny, thus i am going to stop trying and jsut eb his friend and attempt, again, to move on. of course this is difficult when there is nothing to allow you to move on, as there is not here, and thus i am left in a state of confusion. and am in a stand still. damn all will soon be well. how i am not sure btui whatevefr urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:34211 2005-06-23T23:44:09Z 2005-06-23T23:44:09Z when 'm gone Robie Williams - Feel<br />Come and hold my hand<br />I wanna contact the living<br />Not sure I understand<br />This role I've been given <br /><br />I sit and talk to God<br />And he just laughs at my plans<br />My head speaks a language<br />I don't understand <br /><br />I just want to feel real love<br />Feel the home that I live in<br />'Cause I got too much life<br />Running through my veins<br />Going to waste <br /><br />I don't want to die<br />But I ain't keen on living either<br />Before I fall in love<br />I'm preparing to leave her<br />I scare myself to death<br />That's why I keep on running<br />Before I've arrived<br />I can see myself coming <br /><br />I just want to feel real love<br />Feel the home that I live in<br />'Cause I got too much life<br />Running through my veins<br />Going to waste<br />And I need to feel real love<br />And a life ever after<br />I cannot give it up <br /><br />I just want to feel real love<br />Feel the home that I live in<br />I got too much love<br />Running through my veins<br />To go to waste <br /><br />I just wanna feel real love <br />In a life ever after<br />There's a hole in my soul<br />You can see it in my face<br />It's a real big place <br /><br />Come and hold my hand <br />I want to contact the living<br />Not sure I understand<br />This role I've been given<br />Not sure I understand<br />Not sure I understand<br />Not sure I understand<br />Not sure I understand urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:33944 2005-06-06T01:16:44Z 2005-06-06T01:16:44Z celine dion - the power of love omfg! so, i went to brattleboro this weekend, when i was walking down the street of the parade and stuff i ran into who i thought was stephanie. but she was walking witht his ute guy, then i turned to my right and saw her girlfriend and was lik oh it is you guys. then i got to talking iwth ehr friend corey. wihin moments we decided to do soemthing to the effect of dating/boyfriends/geting to knwo eachother. the surprising thing to me was he was the one with the atraction and admitted crush on ME! this astounded me. someone who i thought was cute and seemed liek a nice guy was , in his words, attracted to me! wtf! so we hug tout until he hd to ba back at his place and that was like from late morning to nearly 10pm. it did not take us long to becoem closer, and not long for, well you know. though we had no where to go all the way, we managed to do things, a few times actually. and he likes me and is atracted to me. and the feeling is mutual. this is the abridged version as i cannot haev the energy right now to type the long story, btu the end is that we decided that for now to basically be friends with benefits to make things easier on the long distance thing btu when things change they will change, maybe the fall. but the point being is i have new hope for gaydom. btu as i am exhausted i will finish chatting witht e many and then retire to bed or something<br />godnight! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:33662 2005-05-29T22:56:03Z 2005-05-29T22:56:03Z so i spent the night at john's last night. thought it was merely going to be cuddly, turned out it was a little more. mainly some fooling around, nothing serious. there were the three things he told this person whom he is pseudo seeing that he would not do with other people right now. kiss, anal sex, and give head. but yeah it was an interesting night. and i didn't push for anything that was not asked for. lol and to make matters more interesting, when i was telling benny, whom i am so madly in love with, that i spent the night and such, he asked if john was my boyfriend in that worried sort of tone. dammit i just want to be with benny rightnow. next weekend i think i may go down. argh, thre are two songs that are quite appropriate right now. the first is "if you're not the one" by daniel bedingfield and the second is ...i forget the ame but wehn it comes to me. so yeah frustration but as a parting thought my horoscope said this today...<br /><br /> <br />Aries<br />A very exotic, very sensual new friend has just entered your world, and you're loving every minute of your time together. They may end up being more interested in you than a friend really ought to be, however, so if you're not thinking along those same lines, better mention that early on. Otherwise, you could end up having to come up with some explanations -- to yourself in the mirror, that is -- at a later date urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:33345 2005-05-25T01:20:05Z 2005-05-25T01:20:05Z firstoff i realized i know the guy i have been talking to, and i like him enough when i didn't realize that i want to give him a try, meaning get to know him more.. and second this is or you joy!<br /><br /><div align="center" style="font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><form action="http://www.blogquiz.net/quizzes/LiveJournal-Memes/912/My-bid-for-world-domination" method="post" name="quiz912"><table border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"><tr><td><table style="font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3"><tr bgcolor="#003366"><td colspan="2" align="center" valign="middle"><div align="center" style="color: #FFFFFF; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogquiz.net/quizzes/LiveJournal-Memes/912/My-bid-for-world-domination" style="color: #FFFFFF; text-decoration: none;">My bid for world domination</a></div></td></tr><tr bgcolor="#6699CC"><td align="left" valign="middle" style="color: #FFFFFF;">LiveJournal Username</td><td align="left" valign="middle"><input type="textbox" name="ljusername" value="lifemeanswhat" size="20" maxlength="64"></td></tr><tr bgcolor="#6699CC"><td align="left" valign="middle" style="color: #FFFFFF;">Why you did it</td><td align="left" valign="middle"><select name="input:0"><option value="0">Your mother never understood you</option><option value="1">Your homeland was eaten by gerbills</option><option value="2">To meet your father's unreasonable expectations</option><option value="3">To win your loves heart</option><option value="4" selected="selected">Why not?</option></select></td></tr><tr bgcolor="#6699CC"><td align="left" valign="middle" style="color: #FFFFFF;">Your lair</td><td align="left" valign="middle"><select name="input:1"><option value="0">Basic classic castle</option><option value="1" selected="selected">Hidden underground complex</option><option value="2">Undersea dome</option><option value="3">Den of inquity</option><option value="4">Mountaintop hideout</option></select></td></tr><tr bgcolor="#6699CC"><td align="left" valign="middle" style="color: #FFFFFF;">Your hideous secret weapon</td><td align="left" valign="middle"><select name="input:2"><option value="0">Orbital mind control lasers</option><option value="1" selected="selected">Giant tumble dryer</option><option value="2">Army of mind zombies</option><option value="3">The entire Abba collection</option><option value="4">Killer robots</option></select></td></tr><tr bgcolor="#6699CC"><td align="left" valign="middle" style="color: #FFFFFF;">Your favourite colour</td><td align="left" valign="middle"><input type="textbox" name="input:3" value="Blood Red" size="20" maxlength="64"></td></tr><tr bgcolor="#6699CC" height="5"><td colspan="2"></td></tr><tr bgcolor="#336699"><td align="left" valign="middle" style="color: #FFFFFF;">Beautiful and exotic but deadly eastern lieutenant</td><td style="color: #FFFFFF; font-weight:bold;" align="left" valign="middle">br_ady</td></tr><tr bgcolor="#336699"><td align="left" valign="middle" style="color: #FFFFFF;">Henchperson who constantly plays with knifes</td><td style="color: #FFFFFF; font-weight:bold;" align="left" valign="middle">kgb666000</td></tr><tr bgcolor="#336699"><td align="left" valign="middle" style="color: #FFFFFF;">Your perverted scientific genius</td><td style="color: #FFFFFF; font-weight:bold;" align="left" valign="middle">kgb666000</td></tr><tr bgcolor="#336699"><td align="left" valign="middle" style="color: #FFFFFF;">You cordon bleu chef</td><td style="color: #FFFFFF; font-weight:bold;" align="left" valign="middle">br_ady</td></tr><tr bgcolor="#336699"><td align="left" valign="middle" style="color: #FFFFFF;">Lieutenant with serious moral qualms</td><td style="color: #FFFFFF; font-weight:bold;" align="left" valign="middle">kendodharma</td></tr><tr bgcolor="#336699"><td align="left" valign="middle" style="color: #FFFFFF;">Number of countries subverted</td><td style="color: #FFFFFF; font-weight:bold;" align="left" valign="middle">9</td></tr><tr bgcolor="#003366" height="5"><td colspan="2"></td></tr><tr bgcolor="#003366"><td colspan="2" align="center" valign="middle"><div align="center"><input type="submit" name="submit" value="Fill in your answers and click here!" style="font-size: 9pt;"></div></td></tr><tr bgcolor="#003366"><td colspan="2" align="center" valign="middle"><div style="color: #FFFFFF;" align="center">This <a href="http://www.blogquiz.net/" style="color: #FFFFFF;">Fun Quiz</a> created by <a href="http://www.blogquiz.net/users/Hairymonster" style="color: #FFFFFF;">Andrew</a> at <strong>BlogQuiz.Net</strong><img src="http://70.84.102.91/x/blogquiz.net-blog/11" border="0" width="1" height="1"></div></td></tr></table></td></tr></table><a href="http://www.dailyhoroscopes.biz/capricorn/today/">Capricorn Horoscope</a> at DailyHoroscopes.Biz</form><br></div> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:33164 2005-05-23T20:45:41Z 2005-05-23T20:45:41Z omg! so i have been conversing with this guy through email and was thinking it was all colll and stuf and i gave him my nimber to call me and he did. we talked for a bit then i had to go, but last night i gave him a call and we talked for 2.5 hours straight! he is so awesome, and damn why did he move to rutland! but this weekend i am going to go down to brat and maybve stop in there on my way, who knows. but i ave not even seen this guy nor he me and we both really hit it off. YAY and my horiscope today<br /><br />Aries<br />You're going to be a very happy camper for the next couple of days, and it all starts now. The full Moon has cast a spell on you -- the kind of spell that will make it impossible to say no to a trip, a class or a new experience of any kind. Anything that appeals to your curiosity or helps you to stretch your mind just a touch will be absolutely irresistible.<br /><br />hehe!<br />more as the story develops... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:32773 2005-05-22T02:35:54Z 2005-05-22T02:35:54Z jsut when you think to yourself "i can get over this guy" you fall back into the pit of love. then there are these people who like you adn want to meet you, one 7 hours away, one 6, and one semi close, and you have no idea what to do, little money to do it with, and that guy you are still in love with and are not wanting to mess anything that could happen up but not wanting to wait but knwo that anything worth having is worth waiting for. DAMMIT! things are so hectic, though i cannot complain about the abundance of gayness. gotta sort through this in my head! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:32689 2005-05-16T21:20:50Z 2005-05-16T21:20:50Z total eclipse of the heart - bonnie tyler so i am home now and i have had my first day of work, realized i work with a pretty good group of people compared to the rest of the AOT. got the insurance straightened out and all is good, though i have not gotten my plates yet. plans to come, things to do, places to go and boyfriends to meet? oh yeah and i found out my mothers boyfriend has known i am gay for a little while and i had no idea. but he has no adverse reaction. yaya! now to work on my older bro who is probably just in denial. that is ok, if he wants someone to cart his ass around then he will be nice...haha! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:32301 2005-05-11T15:11:06Z 2005-05-11T15:11:06Z basic story:<br /><br />i meet boy<br />i like boy<br />i fall in love with boy<br />boy loves me too<br />boy is reected by basically all who know him<br />i don't reject boy because i love him<br />even though boy loves me, boy can't get past that the only thing stopping US is that i a not a twink<br />boy is frstrated with other boys<br />i hold on loosely<br />not too tight<br />but never leting go<br />staying friends<br />close cuddly friends<br />waiting for boy to open his eyes<br />not banking on it though<br />i sad<br />boy sad<br />damn this world!<br /><br />i go now<br />bye urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:32144 2005-05-09T22:58:08Z 2005-05-09T22:58:08Z one week or less to go. cold go away!<br />and thre is a definite possibility for a BF, though not sure if i want it. yeah anyway will see how it goes. and there has appeared a mysterious teddy bear outside my dor by an anonymous persohn. WHO DAMMIT! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:31811 2005-05-08T18:43:43Z 2005-05-08T18:43:43Z so i beleive the last entry was me having taken the first step, well as it turns out he knew i was in love with him since the night i bought him that blue rose...yeah i should have know, and sort of did, but was not willing to admit anything maybe? anyway it is all good and we are just close cuddle friends and nothign more, though i can't say i don't wish we were more, but of course. anyway yeah i am giong now as it is raining out and i feel depressed, not of depression, but depresed in that way...yeah. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:31643 2005-05-04T21:51:15Z 2005-05-04T21:51:15Z so i have takent he first step. i haev called benny and left him a message that i need to talk to him and not on the phone so i sasked when he would be home tomarrow. so there are three posible main outcomes with branches. one is he understands and all is well and we are good friends and i get over it. two is he freaks out and something bad happens. three, for those of us who like fiction stories, he realizes how much i love him and tells me he feels the same waya nd we become boyfriends and he drops his other one after realizing he is just rebounding. HA! i wish. i will have to wait and see.<br />-nate urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:31376 2005-05-04T02:22:14Z 2005-05-04T02:22:14Z so now i haev taken two steps. the first is based on my current pesimism. i have taken one more small step towards going out on a date with brent. teh other is that i have desided to go to benny's thursday and tell him how i feel. woah i can feel the tears coming now... damn this is insane... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:31184 2005-05-02T23:39:59Z 2005-05-02T23:39:59Z Sara Mclauchlan go with your gut and not your heart, listen to your heart but take its musings witha grain of salt...<br />ouch urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:30768 2005-05-02T20:10:39Z 2005-05-02T20:10:39Z so it is not my paranoia, it hasbeen confirmed by others that i need to understand where me and benny stand. are we friends and that is all we will be, are we friends and maybe more later, are we friends and he is afraid o be more out of fear of more rejections, does he know, etc... as the list goes on and on. i have to talk with hima nd let him know that a) i will always love hima nd be his friend but b) i need to know where we stand and all. he is all that is on my mind and to think about us not being together makes me cry. at the same time when i think of hen we were together cuddling, whether hewas awake hte whole time or not, i am brought to a happy place that i have never been before for any period of time, with the exception of once. anyway yeah so i have to decide to go over or not to go over tonight. i guess a lot will depend on if i talk to him on the phone. dammi twhy is love so hard! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lifemeanswhat:30668 2005-05-01T03:58:56Z 2005-05-01T03:58:56Z confusing is the term for tonight. so i am in love, but this time it is a bit more realistic love, but i am confused greatly. on the one hand he says thigns like i love you and if only you were my type, you know signals of some sort. there was the cuddliness and then the odd conversations which confused me as to if we are just cuddle friends or maybe more eventually. oh well bye!